One thing that typically comes up when you feel like you have hit the point of no return is the option of marriage counseling. When it comes to keeping your marriage together and you have tried everything else marriage counseling is usually the last step for struggling couples. Getting through a tough time in a relationship can be extremely hard and painful. Marriage counseling can be the one thing that saves your marriage.
If you both are not 100% committed to fixing your problems, you are unlikely to get the results you are looking for. Whether a marriage can be saved or not relies on several factors that the two partners bring to counseling. If you have both motivation and commitment, you can expect the desired results. Unfortunately, most couples have lost one or both, and it can be difficult to find motivation and commitment again.
It is not an easy process. There will be painful things that you will have to hear. One of the most important parts, outside of both of you being motivated and committed, is having the right counselor. It is vital to have a counselor that allows you both to speak and be heard. One that does not take sides but listens equally to both and provides helpful tools for you to work on together. It is an amazing feeling when you can re-connect to your spouse once again and re-ignite the love you once shared that you feared was gone forever.
Factors That Make A Difference
One of the biggest issues that can hinder the desired result from counseling is that couples tend to leave this option until it is the absolute last resort. Quite often there has been a great deal of damage done to a relationship by the time they decide to get professional help. The key to success rates in marriage counseling is approaching the issues as early as possible. This does not mean that it is too late to heal if you seek therapy late. It just means that it may take longer at that point.
Communication breakdown is one of the leading causes for the need of marriage counseling. Sometimes couples have been holding a grudge about previous issues for years. Failing to tell someone how you are feeling about a subject or issue will eventually result in either a massive buildup that turns into a blow-up, or it builds so much that the couple can’t even stand the sight of each other anymore. This sort of lack of communication is one of the main causes of marital affairs and can often simply end in divorce before any of the issues are fixed. Silence is a killer in relationships. Especially if your communication skills are not great, marriage counseling could be the one thing that saves your marriage.
Blow Up Event
It can often take a massive episode that will force the couple into counseling. Unfortunately for some to take relationship problems seriously often takes a serious announcement, like an affair or the threat of separation or divorce. It is usually the last bit of effort before making a marriage counseling appointment. The best advice is to seek counseling when you start having issues from daily bickering to feeling emotionally distant. The sooner you begin, the easier it is to mend.
How Marriage Counseling Helps
Marriage counseling achieves the best results when issues are tended to early. Teaching communication skills is a great way to make a relationship in the early stages of disaster better, but it is not going to be the only solution if you seek help when it already feels too late. It takes both parties in the relationship to want to change. If you are not both in it for a solution, then it may already be too late. The role of a counselor is not to fix the issues of your marriage, it is to bring attention to what your issues are and offer solutions and tools to empower you both to repair the damage. The key factor here though is that you both must be 100% willing to listen, self-reflect, and be dedicated to fixing the issues.
What is involved?
The first step to marriage counseling is to put out any current fires that are burning out of control in the relationship. These immediate issues need to be stabilized to move forward. Then, you can work out the underlying causes of the problems.
Some things the counselor may immediately bring up to assess the situation include whether you and your partner are willing to learn new things about yourself, communication, and relationships. They will need to know if you are able and willing to let go of the need to be right and accept responsibility for the areas where you fall short in the relationship and pass on the blame.
Marriage therapy takes motivation and commitment.
If you and your spouse are ready to revive your marriage and heal from past pain, contact me to schedule an appointment. When it feels like it is too late, do not miss out on your last chance for reconciliation. It is possible.