Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.
It has been recognized that there are many contenders that create distressed relationships. To summarize one could say it is a production of disconnected emotions and needs of attachment that have not been met.
It can be created slowly and quietly as the years go by until one day you realize that the one person you counted on the most seems to be abandoning you. Or, you find yourselves arguing frequently becoming more and more frustrated and helpless to stop it.
If infidelity has intruded into your relationship it often can be traced back to these issues.
What to do?
What if you could learn what is preventing you from maintaining a closeness and availability for support and protection? What if you could learn now to share the task of dealing with life’s uncertainties in an open and safe way ? What if you discovered how you impact each other with the automatic responses you give from a place of fear and anxiety and that this new realization would be the foundation of effectively reaching for each other rather than pushing each other away?
A major step in couple therapy is to learn how to join together to limit your negative dance and the insecurity it causes. You become aware of each other’s emotional needs and fears which helps you to de-escalate the cycle of reactive responses. From that point you can restructure your communications to an enlightened level of understanding and authenticity.
Couple counseling is a courageous endeavor—it means recognizing you need help and daring to open up to someone you have never met before. It is also a conjoint effort—through commitment and rapport I work together with you to bring about the appropriate change for you. And it is a change effect—you are renewed and brought to a more integrated relationship.
The courage to seek couples counseling is an admirable first step to reaching the harmony you desire in your relationship. In a safe and confidential environment, I offer counseling services to provide the tools you need as a couple for success. Contact me to schedule an appointment.
Life is full of choices. That means we are not machines that respond to a stimulus that has treated us in a certain way to obtain fixed results. We are able to choose how we live our lives. Interestingly enough, though, we can find ourselves automatically and uncomfortably responding to certain words or treatments that come our way.
In other words, our range of choices has become limited without even knowing it. Eventually, we are likely to feel “stuck” and/or off-track. We often are left with anxiety, depression, and/or stress as well.
This brings us to a valuable purpose of therapy which is twofold. The first is to increase your array of choices and, secondly, to encourage and enable you to effectively deal with the expanded range of choices.
How does this work?
If we look for what is beyond the surface of behavior we learn what has “programmed” us to respond in certain ways. Thus, we can realize we have the power to choose to respond in ways that are more valuing and empowering. A very special part of this is to find our “real selves” not what has been created by the narrow extent of choices we have been using. It results in becoming aware of our innate strengths and potential that can be utilized to handle the choices we make day by day.
An example of choices:
Two mice fell into a bucket of cream. Immediately, each began to struggle frantically in an effort to get out. Around and around they went, but without success. Growing tired, one mouse had had enough. Believing that the situation was hopeless, she ceased to struggle and eventually drowned. The other mouse, determined to get out of the bucket, kept swimming and swimming against all odds. This mouse would not give in to her fate. So, on and on she went, though deep down inside she had every reason to believe that she was wasting her time. What happened next came as a complete shock to the little mouse. With each stroke, the cream began to stiffen, and shortly thereafter turned into butter. Then mouse then climbed on top of the butter and out of the bucket to safety.
The courage to seek help is an admirable first step to reaching the harmony you desire in your life and in your relationships. In a safe and confidential environment, I offer counseling and therapy services to guide you to the best path for a harmonious life. Contact me to schedule an appointment.